February 19, 2017
All too often we assume that the way we see something is the same as the way someone else sees it. We all have a ‘map of the World’ which helps us weigh up situations and make all sorts of decisions – whether a stranger is friendly, whether our partner loves us, how we feel about someone’s email or social media post. The thing is, because we have been relying on our map for a long time, we tend to assume our map is right; we don’t realise that ‘the map is not the territory’ and other people may have a different, equally valid map. Have you ever had the experience of doing something for someone which did not get quite the reaction you expected? Have you ever been bought a present that you didn’t like and thought ‘this person doesn’t know me at all’? Do people at work do things that just do not sit right with you?
The same action can mean different things to different people of different genders, backgrounds and cultures. Men opening doors for woman, queuing, physical contact between men and women, expressing disagreement; the list is endless.
When we were 3 years old we had every right to expect our parents to ‘mind read’ what it was we wanted as we weren’t then able to clearly communicate our needs. However, as adults, we are not endowed with telepathic powers, so if you want an adult relationship you need to communicate what is important to you.
So in your relationships that matters to you, ask yourself:
Then try communicating this to them – without turning it into a demand or a ‘should’. You will be amazed how life transforms when we learn to speak each other’s language!
December 26, 2016
When life is busy, or all your energy is focused on a special project, it’s all too easy to find yourself ‘off balance’ – not paying enough attention to important areas of your life. While you need to have drive and focus if you’re going to get things done, taking this too far can lead to frustration, stress or a sense of dissatisfaction. Almost without noticing, having an intense focus on one area of our lives can cause us to neglect other areas of life, which are important to us. For example, we may become absorbed by our work, spending more of our time in the office, whilst home/family life suffers. That’s when it’s time to take a “helicopter view” of your life, so that you can bring things back into balance.
This is where the ‘Life Wheel’ can help. It helps you consider each area of your life in turn and assess what’s off balance. As such, it helps you identify areas that may need more attention. Contact me to explore how you can restore a sense of balance in your life and invest your energy where it matters most.
December 25, 2016
We all have goals and desires in life. However if we are too focussed on where we would like to get to we constantly reject where we are NOW and live life in a state of dissatisfaction – always striving, never arriving. To live and more fully enjoy the present try 1) sensing into your body – starting with your arms and legs, notice what each area of your body is feeling. Body sensations can only exist in the present, so doing this regularly helps you to reduce the habitual mind activity which has a tendency to take you away from the present. 2) look for things you are grateful for. Writing them down in your diary or journal can help, although evidence from neuroscience has shown that just the act of looking for things to be grateful for activates areas of the brain associated with happiness.
January 28, 2018
New Year resolutions or not, I find that January, despite its cold wet greyness in the UK, is a time of reflection, renewal and intention setting for the months, and perhaps years, ahead; a time for planting new seeds or attending to those that may have been sown a while ago and are in need […]
August 18, 2017
take the next step
February 5, 2017
“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney I am a naturally curious person. Apparently one of my favorite words when I was a child was ‘why?’ Whether I used that question at the time as a basis for genuine […]
December 24, 2016
Why is that we start with such positive intentions but we so often don’t keep our New Year resolutions or achieve goals we genuinely really want? I’ve discovered that many people have an inner ‘immunity to change’ system that is designed to help us, but actually keeps us stuck.